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Kero-chan: Konyanyachiwa!! This is a very
special Kero-chan ni omakase no corner!! We're
going to play Kero-chan's Newlywed Game, a very fun
game invented by me, Cerberus! Of course, since I
invented it, it'd have to be fun, right? I'm so
cool! Now, let's meet our contestants!! Couple
number one, come on down!
Yukito: Are? I thought the term was "Go down..."
Touya: *o_o*
*Yukito and Touya sit down*
Kero-chan: o_o;; Err. . . thank you, couple
number one. Couple number two, come join us!
*Sakura and Tomoyo come out and sit down, amidst
cheers from the yuri fangirls and boys and screams
of horror from the Sakura/Syaoran fans. Tomoyo
pulls out a video camera and starts recording*
All: ^_^;;
Sakura: Tomoyo-chan... this is already being
recorded by the TV cameras...
Tomoyo: I know, but they might focus on someone
other than Sakura-chan! ^_^
Sakura: ^.^;;
Kero-chan: Right! Let's put that aside! Couple
number three, join us!
Syaoran: We are not a couple!!!
Eriol: Come on, koibito. ^_^
Syaoran: I am not your koibito! Let go of me!
*Eriol drags Syaoran to the third set of chairs
and ties Syaoran to one of them, then cheerfully
sits in the last chair*
Syaoran: Rai tei shou rai kyuu kyuu nyo ritsu
ryo RAI GEKI!! *lightning travels from his sword to
the chair, frying the ropes. Unfortunately, it also
fries Syaoran. Eriol takes the opportunity to
re-tie him.*
Eriol: If you don't wake up, we can't win the
contest for the most loving newlyweds! ^_^
Syaoran: We're not married!!
Eriol: Of course we are, anata! ^_^
Syaoran: We're not, we're not!!
Eriol: Not even for the grand prize? ^_^
Syaoran: NO!!
Sakura: Ne, Kero-chan, what is the grand prize?
Kero-chan: An all-expense paid trip to China!
Syaoran: *freezes* You mean... I could finally
find the Spring of Drowned Boy and end this
terrible curse?!
All: O_o;;;;
Syaoran: Never mind... >_> <_<
Kero-chan: Err. . . right! Let's put that aside!
First question is for the men!
*silence*
Kero-chan: *pause* Hmm. . . I guess that's a bit
of a problem, isn't it? Okay! People on the left
are the wives!
Eriol: I guess that's you, itoshii. ^_^
Syaoran: We're not married!!
Yukito: Does this mean you're going to wear a
dress for me, To-ya? ^_^
Touya: . . . . . maybe later. . . . . .
Kero-chan: . . . Okay! First question! "What is
your wife's biggest turn-on?" Couple number one,
you can start us out!
Yukito: Oh, that's easy! It's when I wear my
bunny suit! ^_^
Kero-chan: Wife number one?
*Touya holds up sign that says, "When Yuki wears
his bunny suit."*
Kero-chan: Good job! Couple number one has one
point! Couple number two?
Sakura: Umm... recording us--
Kero-chan: That's enough of an answer!! Wife
number two?
*Tomoyo holds up a sign that says, "When
Sakura-chan wears my costumes." Sakura looks
crestfallen*
Kero-chan: Oh, that's too bad! But we still have
lots of questions to go, so don't lose hope yet!
Couple number three, what turns your wife on the
most?
Eriol: Feathers. ^_^
Kero-chan: Wife number three?
*Syaoran holds up a sign that says, "I'm not his
wife. (feathers)"*
Kero-chan: Good job! Next question! "Which of
Sakura's battle costumes is cutest?"
Yukito: Her whats?
*Touya holds up sign: "Her whats?"*
Kero-chan: I guess that counts. . . Couple
number one has two points! Couple number two?
Sakura: All of them.
*Tomoyo holds up a sign that reads, "All of them
are cute when Sakura-chan wears them!"*
All: ^_^;;
Kero-chan: I guess couple number two has one
point! But doesn't anyone think my costumes are the
cutest? Couple number three, what's your answer?
Eriol: If I say your costumes, will we get an
extra point? ^_^
Kero-chan: Yes.
Sakura: Kero-chan, that's not fair!!
Kero-chan: Yeah, well that's why it's my show
and not yours. Couple number three?
Eriol: Kero-chan's costumes. ^_^
*Syaoran holds up a sign that says, "The rubber
kitty suit"*
Kero-chan: Well, you got it wrong but you get a
point anyways! Good job!
Eriol: *smirk* ^_^
Sakura: *scowl*
Kero-chan: Going onto question three, couple
number one has two points, couple number two has
one point, and couple number three has two points!
Question three is "I like a girl who has a sense of
humor. Tell me your favorite joke."
*silence*
Kero-chan: Oops! Wrong questions!! Hahahahaha. .
. *throws cards backstage* The real question number
three is around here somewhere. . .
*Spinel hands him a set of cards*
Kero-chan: Thanks! Okay, question number three:
"I'm a fool and I consort with goat--" HEY!! These
aren't the questions!!
Suppi: *smirk*
*Kero-chan digs around backstage and finally
comes up with some questions, hopefully the right
ones*
Kero-chan: Okay! I think these are the right
ones! "If your wife was an alarm clock, how would
she wake you up?" Couple number one?
Yukito: I'm not sure that I want to say it on
television...
Kero-chan: You have to or you don't get the
point.
*Yukito walks over to Kero-chan and the panel of
judges and starts whispering to them. Time passes.
More time passes. Nakuru, the backstage crew, falls
asleep*
Kero-chan: Okay, that's enough. **O_O** Wife
number one, what did you put?
*Touya hands him a thick stack of paper*
Kero-chan: What the. . . this is the Starr
report!
Touya: Stapled underneath is the kama sutra.
Kero-chan: ***O_O***
Kero-chan: Ahem. Judges, will we accept those
answers?
Terada-sensei: Yeah, I guess so.
Kero-chan: What about the other judges?
*no answer. Sonomi is still taking notes and
Fujitaka has his hands over his ears*
Fujitaka: You're talking about my SON!!
Kero-chan: *sweatdrop* I guess we'll count it,
then. . . Couple number two?
Sakura: She'd let me sleep and record it.
Kero-chan: I'm afraid that's not a valid answer.
Tomoyo: But that's what I put. . . *holds up
sign that says, "Let Sakura-chan rest and record
her sleeping face"*
All: ^_^;;
Kero-chan: Judges?
*the judges confer, with Sonomi doing most of
the talking*
Terada-sensei: She's--
Sonomi: WE've.
Terada-sensei: We've decided to accept that
answer.
Sonomi: Good. Couple number three?
Kero-chan: Hey, I'm supposed to say that! Couple
number three?
Eriol: If he found me sleeping he'd take the
opportunity to try and kill me. ^_^
Kero-chan: Maybe he's not as dumb as I thought.
Well, kid? How would you wake him up?
*Syaoran holds up a sign that says, "With a
mallet"*
Kero-chan: We'll accept that answer because I
like it. Round two after these commercial messages!
*silence*
Kero-chan: Nakuru! Run the commercials!
Nakuru: *wakes up* Hmm?
Kero-chan: The commercials, the commercials!!
Nakuru: Oh, right!! ^_^
Kero-chan: -_-;;
*fade to commercial*
<eyecatch>
********************
Kaho: Hello. Have you been feeling down? Like
you don't know where your life is going?
Yamazaki: *dramatically* How did you know?!
Kaho: I know everything. Which is why you should
call Kaho's Psychic Hotline. We'll tell you your
destiny in convoluted half-truths that you'll later
convince yourself were useful predictions and not a
waste of 399 yen a minute.
Yue: Kaho told me that my destiny would soon
come to an impasse. I realize now that she was
talking about Yukito getting mad when I got with
Touya.
Ruby Moon: Kaho told me that the inner battle
between the ying and yang of masculinity and
femininity causes an imbalance in the psyche. Boy,
was she right!
Kaho: So call today, and spend hours trying to
puzzle out your destiny!
1-800-ASK-KAHO
Yamazaki: *even more dramatically* How DOES she
DO it?!
********************
*a blond girl in jeans and a t-shirt with "YnM"
emblazoned across the chest comes out. Needless to
say, it's YnM in her one and probably only
self-insertation ever.*
YnM: Hello, everyone. I just wanted to say
support me in my hostile takeover of the universe.
YnM for empress. Yay.
*walks off*
Tamahome: I support her!
Duo: That's because she paid you, dude.
*fade out*
<eyecatch>
Kero-chan: Konyanyachiwa!! Have you been
brushing your teeth? Good! If you haven't your
parents might not let you keep watching the hit new
show, Kero-chan's Newlywed Game! We're back with
out three couples! Now it's time for the wives to
answer the questions. Our first question is, "What
is the strangest place you have ever--" *turns red*
Who worded this?
*Nakuru waves*
Kero-chan: -_-;; "What is the strangest place
you have ever *mumbles*
Sakura: I didn't even know that was a term for
it...
Tomoyo: I did.
All: ^_^;;
Kero-chan: o_o; Husband number one, what do you
think wife number one put?
Touya: *thinks* In King Penguin?
Kero-chan: >_< Now that that image is in
our heads, what did wife number one put?
*Yukito holds up a sign that says, "In the meat
freezer at the supermarket." Everyone who had meat
in the previous month starts gagging*
Yukito: I thought we weren't going to tell
anyone about King Penguin, To-ya...
Touya: We weren't going to tell anyone about the
freezer thing either.
Yukito: Oops... but at least neither of us
mentioned the--
*Touya claps a hand over his mouth. Yukito bites
him*
Touya: Ow! Don't do that!
Yukito: You started it...
Touya: I want you to touch me gently...
Yukito: Later, when we're alone.
*rose petals blow across the stage*
All: o_O;;
Kero-chan: Moving onto couple number two... as
quickly as possible...
Tomoyo: Hoeeeee...
Kero-chan: What?
Tomoyo: That's what Sakura-chan put.
*Sakura holds up a sign that simply says,
"HOEEEEE!" and has a drawing of a furiously
blushing Sakura*
Kero-chan: Judges, will we accept that answer?
*Sonomi and Terada-sensei confer. Fujitaka's
still covering his ears*
Terada-sensei: She says we should.
Kero-chan: Next time I want unbiased judges...
Sonomi: I'm not biased.
Kero-chan: Err... of course not. Let's put that
aside. Couple number three, dare I ask?
Syaoran: *slightly green* We NEVER [censored]!!!
Nakuru: Wow, even I didn't know that was a term
for it.
Tomoyo: I did.
All: o_o;
*Eriol holds up his "He'll deny our many nights
of passion. ^_^" sign*
Sakura: Eriol-kun, you're really good! I bet you
make your wife very happy!
Syaoran: I'm not his wife!!
Kero-chan: -_-;; Let's move on to the next
question, shall we? This one's multiple choice, so
we don't have to worry about inappropriate answers.
"How would you describe your honeymoon: Relaxing,
Exciting, or Boring?"
Audience: Ooooooooo...
Kero-chan: Couple number one, start us off.
Touya: Relaxing.
*Yukito's sign: "Relaxing. Very"*
Kero-chan: *breaths a sigh of relief* Thanks for
not elaborat--
Yukito: After all, we didn't leave bed all
week...
Kero-chan: Too much information!
Touya: We realized the dangers of the hot tub
pretty quickly...
Kero-chan: *attempts to cover ears* Ack!
*Touya and Yukito shrug*
Kero-chan: Next! Next!
Tomoyo: Exciting.
*Sakura holds up a sign with "Exciting" written
in big letters*
Kero-chan: Moving on before you try and explain
your answer...
Sakura: *blushes* It's not like THAT! We
traveled around and ate lots of oishii cakes and
things. [not that kind of cake, all you Brits out
there...]
Kero-chan: Ack! Too much-- *pause* I guess
that's okay... *pause again* Without me?! ;_;
Sakura: We weren't going to tell you about it...
Kero-chan: Couple number three! Please end this
question!
Syaoran: We had no honeymoon because WE'RE NOT
MARRIED!!!!
Eriol holds up his sign, which says, "He'll deny
the very existence of our honeymoon, including the
nights of endless pleasure we spent, sweaty bodies
intertwined--" and brakes off where he ran out of
room to write*
*Syaoran turns bright green and rushes for the
bathroom. After having lost the better part of his
lunch, he returns and sits back down*
Sakura: Syaoran-kun, why didn't you take that
opportunity to escape?
Syaoran: O_O! <--- didn't think of it
*Eriol, by this time, has re-tied him*
Syaoran: >:/
Eriol: There, there, muffin. They know you just
don't want to leave my side.
Sakura: Yeah, that'd be a good reason.
Syaoran: But... but...
Eriol: Why else would I risk untiing him so he
could deal with his morning sickness?
Syaoran: Wha...?
Tomoyo: *claps hands* Syaoran-kun will make a
wonderful mother!
Syaoran: I'M NOT PREGNANT!!
Eriol: If it's a boy we'll name him Clow.
Syaoran: AAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!
*passes out*
Eriol: *pats his hand* There, there, love. *to
others* His constitution is a bit frail. Please,
feel free to move onto the next question.
Kero-chan: Thanks. Final question: *pause*
*shudder* "What bedroom fantasy have you acted out
that should have remained a fantasy?" ...couple
number one, please answer as briefly and
undescriptively as possible.
Touya: Well, there was this one time when Yuki
wanted to try it while skydiving-- wait, I want to
change my answer. When we tried it underwater. He
almost drowned and there were all these fish
staring at us...
Kero-chan: *begins twitching* No more... no
more...
Yukito: They're your questions. *holds up sign
that says simply, "Star Wars"*
Touya: That wasn't THAT bad, was it?
Yukito: Oh, it was FINE for you. YOU didn't have
to be Leia.
Touya: Gomen ne, Yuki. I didn't know. *clasps
Yukito's hand*
Yukito: *big dewey eyes* To-ya...
*they start necking*
Audience: Wooooooooooooooooooo!!
Kero-chan: Not on the air! Not on the air! This
is network television!! Couple number two, at least
get the cameras off them!
Tomoyo: Well, one time we used the Clow Cards
to--
Kero-chan: I think that's enough of an answer.
Sakura?
*Sakura holds up a sign that says "Clow Cards"
on it*
Kero-chan: Good job, couple number two. That
puts you up to five points. Couple number one has
four points, and couple number three has five or
six points, depending on whether or not they get
this one right. Couple number three?
Syaoran: *slowly regaining consciousness*
Bedroom fantasies my @$$!!
Eriol: Careful, darling. They say babies can
hear what you say even before they're born. We
don't want our bundle of joy to grow up with a
potty mouth. ^_^
Syaoran: WHAT bundle of joy?!
Kero-chan: Hey, husband number three! Sign!
*Eriol holds up his sign, which quoth, "He'll be
too embarrassed about how he looked as a meter maid
even to mention it. ^_^"*
Kero-chan: Judges?
Fujitaka: I get to decide since I listened to
this one!
*the other judges shrug*
Fujitaka: Okay... it counts.
*silence*
Fujitaka: I don't get applause?
All: -_-;;
Kero-chan: Now, since that's resolved... Going
into the bonus round, couple three is in the lead,
followed by couple two and couple one. The bonus
question is worth five points, so any of our
contestants could win. The bonus question is: "If
your husband had to sum up your sex drive in one
word, it would be [blank]" *pause* Oh, I can't WAIT
to hear these answers. *wince*
Touya: Slow.
Kero-chan: You expect me to believe that after
what I've heard today?
Touya: Well, compared to his...
*Yukito holds up a sign that says, "Well, it is
kind of slow...", which isn't really one word. Did
everyone catch that? Good! The judges didn't, and
they got a point anyways*
Kero-chan: Couple number one is now in the lead
with 9 points, though that's not conclusive in the
least, since no one else has answered the bonus
question. Couple number two, your move.
Tomoyo: Creative!
*Sakura holds up her sign: "Kinky"*
Kero-chan: Judges?
*brief but amusing judge conference, which
includes Sonomi jumping on the table and demanding
justice*
Kero-chan: Have you reached a decision?
Terada-sensei: We'll accept it. *cowers under
Sonomi's glare*
Kero-chan: Okay! Couple number two is now in
first place! Couple number three, final question,
final answer. How would your husband sum up your
sex drive?
Syaoran: When it comes to him, non-existent.
*Eriol holds up his sign: "Since he's
embarrassed about the fact that he likes to
[censored] like bunnies...*
Nakuru: Oooh, more new vocabulary! *writes down*
Yukito: Is that a personal remark?
*"...he'll pretend that he's as innocent as a
schoolgirl"*
*Everyone looks at Terada-sensei*
Terada-sensei: *o_o* Schoolgirl! Right!
Innocent! *cough cough* That's what he said, all
right! That answer counts! Moving on, moving on!!
Kero-chan: Then, I guess couple number three
wins. Congratulations, kid, you're going to a
fabulous second honeymoon in China!
Syaoran: But I LIVE in China! How is that a
vacation?
Announcer (Yamazaki-kun): You've won an
all-expense paid trip to the beauuuuuutiful land of
China, where you'll enjoy--
Syaoran: Who says I'll enjoy it?!
Yamazaki-kun: The announcement.
Syaoran: Why should I believe it?
Yamazaki-kun: Because it was written by Kaho's
Psychic Hotline.
Syaoran: Really?
Yamazaki-kun: Of course! Would I lie to you?
Syaoran: Then. . . I guess. . . I should go?
*looks disgusted*
Yamazaki-kun: Of course! Kaho's Psychic Hotline
is never wrong! You know, psychic hotlines were
first invented in ancient Greece, when too many
people wanted to use the Oracle.
Syaoran: Really?
Chiharu-chan: *twitch twitch* Hey. . .
Yamazaki-kun: Time to go! *runs away, followed
closely by Chiharu-chan*
Chiharu-chan: Get back here, you!...
Syaoran: I don't know about this...
Eriol: Come on, dear. The vacation will relive
stress, and everyone knows future mothers should
avoid stress.
Syaoran: *grumbles*
*Eriol drags him offstage to go catch their
plane. Touya and Yukito are still sucking face.
Nakuru throws a blanket over them. Tomoyo is
videotaping Sakura*
Tomoyo: Your sad face is kawaii too!
Sakura: ^.^;;
Kero-chan: Well, it seems we ended a little
earlier than expected. But that's okay, because--
Meiling: I'll be singing for you! Everyone
agrees that I have the best singing voice!
Kero-chan: That wasn't quite--
Meiling: *sings* ~David Duchovny, why won't you
love me~
Kero-chan: Just roll next week's previews.
~~Next time on Kero-chan's Newlywed Game~~
Kero-chan: "If you didn't exist and your wife
had to choose one of these people to marry, who
would they choose?"
*Dr. J and Relena walk out*
Duo: *looks nauseated* I think he'd choose
Relena...
Heero: That's the purpose of the self-destruct
system.
~~end clip~~
Meiling: ~I hold it in as best I can / I know
I'm just another fan~
Kero-chan: See you next week, everyone! Honana!
Meiling: ~And I can't wait anymore for him to
discover me / I've got it bad for David
Duchovny!...~
*fade out*
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